Larry and I met Bob and Nancy Little over thirty years ago when we began a relationship with Jimmy and Suzi Kallam of the Church at Charlotte. Bob and Nancy were very involved in ministry there, but it wasn’t until our move to Charlotte in 2016 that we began to spend time getting to know more of their story by sharing meals together and attending gatherings in their home. Nancy and I bonded as we shared prayer concerns and ultimately the death of our husbands. Nancy and I also found that we had a lot in common: both coming from Christian homes with a deep spiritual heritage, enjoying the ministry of hospitality and connecting people.
Nancy shares her story of the first year of widowhood in Alone But Not Alone. If you have read past articles in this blog, you’ve realized that each one who experienced a death has their personal journey. This is Nancy’s story.
Becoming me without Larry,
Rachael Crabb
A Becoming Me Without You Blog
By Nancy Little
Bob and I were married for sixty-two and a half years when he died and left me a widow. We were fortunate to have been told of his pending death. I say fortunate because for the last six months of his life, we talked openly about what life would look like for me after he was gone. He told me a lot of what I needed to know both practically and emotionally. When he took his last breath and entered into glory, I had a great sense of peace. My family surrounded me and gave me support and encouragement I needed. They continue to be nearby for me but the truth is that I will never have that close relationship again. I am alone when I face every day. When I go to bed at night, I am alone. Every decision I make, I make alone. But I don’t really feel alone.
I was with a group of friends recently when one asked me how I was doing living alone. I told them I didn’t feel like I was alone. I couldn’t explain it to them, and I can’t explain it now. However, there is a sense of purpose and fulfillment with me as I go from day to day. I have also found there is freedom in not being dependent on another person on a daily basis. By being free, I mean that I am free to be available for what God has for me to do. Much of my time had been taken up with caring for Bob which wouldn’t change for a minute. However, it limited what I was able to do for myself as well as the interests and people that fill my life. This is the sort of freedom that I have not experienced since I married Bob, helped in his many vocational endeavors, raised two children, and more recently enjoyed my four grandchildren.
I have never been a person who didn’t have some sort of project I was working on. So, now I can press forward this the projects God has put before me without interruption. Writing this article is one God has placed in my life, and I hope it can be an encouragement for each of you. God has also put me in a wonderful neighborhood filled with very caring people. Some of my neighbors and I have started a Bible study, and together we are seeing God work in this part of His world. I guess what I am saying is that God is filling me with His presence through the people He has placed around me. How can I feel alone?
My husband had a project he was working on when he died. He was writing a book about how to retire with a purpose. A friend and I are trying to put it together and in the process I have learned a lot about my husband. I think much of the principles he put forth apply to living alone after being with someone else for so many years. God has a purpose for each one of us. Widowhood doesn’t change the fact that God is in control of my life. As I put one foot in front of the other, He show me what He would have me to do with my life. I know that He is with me. He is guiding me. He fulfills me, and I follow His lead. Deuteronomy 31:8 has become my guiding force. “The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave or forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.” I guess this is the reason I can be alone but not alone as I learn to be me without Bob.